Sex and the Single Fat Girl: When Opposites Attract
Posted by Guest in Sex + Relationships
Vive la difference!

Wouldnít it be great if all of our dating-related anxiety evaporated once we met someone great? I think it should. After all the craziness often required to get to "great," I donít think anyone should be lying awake worrying about what other people think. But itís hard not to worry at least a little when big differences loom between you like an elephant in the room -- especially when those differences are physical. A potentially great pairing can wind up in peril if insecurity keeps you from enjoying each other, which can happen regardless of your size, age, or gender.

We all have an idea about how couples are "supposed" to look. They should probably be of a similar level of attractiveness, the archetypal big, strong man protecting the delicate, little (yet curvaceous) woman. That's what pops into my mind, anyway. When you and your chosen one don't fit into that mold, it can add another layer of anxiety to what's already there.

What do you do when you're dating someone who is really physically different from you or from that idea of what a couple should look like? Maybe they're shorter or half your weight or absurdly fit and handsome or disabled or from a radically different cultural or ethnic background. No matter what the big difference is, it can be scary to confront. Unfortunately, you have to confront it in one way or another if youíre going to get comfortable with it. You must come to terms with the difference in your own mind, and you might even (gulp!) have to talk about it together.

Here's the first thing you need to know: They wouldn't have asked you out in the first place if they weren't attracted to you ó and I mean attracted physically. This is especially hard to believe if you feel like the guy is out of your league. I was with a guy for a while who was drop-dead gorgeous, had abs like Brad Pitt, was really nice, and was very successful. 99% of women would be seriously intimidated by him and be wondering why he had asked them out. I couldnít help wondering why this guy who could have any girl wanted a fat girl like me. Turns out he was into my looks, my personality, my brain, and my big butt. It's easy to forget that for many men, offering bigger versions of their favorite female body parts is a very nice perk. Itís even easier to forget that men are much less judgmental and far more appreciative of our bodies than we tend to be.

Here's the second thing you need to know: They might feel physically inferior to you and fear that you won't find them attractive. There's a lot of pressure on men to be the big, strong Alpha male. But of course, just as most of us don't resemble supermodels, many guys don't fit that hunky he-man mold. I've dated men who were short and guys who were very thin and one who was so overweight and out of shape that he couldn't walk a city block without getting winded and needing a break. While I was worried they would think my body was too big, they were even more worried that their bodies didnít measure up to my standards. It's easy to put those fears to rest if he asks whether or not itís an issue. If it doesn't come up, you can be stealthily reassuring and mention the things you like about his body.

Ultimately, you have to stop fretting over your differences and find the bonuses that they bring to your relationship. Do you get to enjoy the eye candy and enthusiastic attentions of someone with the body of an underwear model? Lucky, lucky girl. There are great things about kissing someone who's about your height, and there are even greater things about how other parts of you line up. A big guy will make you feel especially feminine and delicate. Not only will you not break a skinny guy if you're on top, but you might find that a whole new range of positions are available.

Having doubts and insecurities is inevitable--if itís not looks, then itís going to be something else. It's human nature. The important thing is to not let those doubts or worries get in the way of enjoying each other. Just as we big girls should hold our heads high and feel comfortable in our own skin wherever we go, we should feel just as proud stepping out with our partners, because variety can be deliciously spicy.

Have you dated a guy (or girl) who was vastly different from you physically? How did you handle it (or not)? Share your experiences in the comments.