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Sex and the Single Fat Girl: What I learned during the great man-break experiment
Posted by Guest in Sex + Relationships
Sugar lips, by Peony

In one way or another, 2009 was a rough year for most of us. It certainly goes on record as the year I made a stunningly impressive string of bad decisions regarding men. The worst Iíve ever made, every single time. When three of my best girlfriends independently suggested that maybe I should take a little time out from the dating pool to remember what Iím actually looking for, I knew I was overdue for a hiatus.

In that spirit, I turned the whole month of December into what I called The Great Manbreak Experiment. Two of those three friends decided to join me, and the break from guys has been good for all of us. Weíve seen bad habits and patterns that repeat themselves. And because the list of what you want in a man shifts over time, we were all sorely in need of an update.

My favorite part of this whole experiment? A guy friend served as our guru. Heís broken down the kinds of guys I go for, how they run their games, and what to watch out for. Iím pretty sure he could take this on the road and make a lot of money telling women the things they were too close to see for themselves. One particularly valuable lesson came up in conversation one night, and I want to share it with you, because the friends Iíve mentioned it to have all made the ďepiphany faceĒ when they realized they had all dated a guy who did this. Tell me if you have, too:

So you've met this guy, and he looks GREAT on the "datability" resume. You're psyched because you think things should definitely work out, but then he slowly (or in some cases, not-so-slowly) turns out to be really different than you thought he was going to be. Maybe the chemistry is great, but there's just something that's not feeling quite right.

It's the blow jobs. Think about it. It's not the act itself, but it's in the timing in which he brings it up. This is a big thing to watch out for. Guys who bring it up early on may be broadcasting that theyíre selfish and not really respecting you. Reasonable people are on their best behavior the first couple of times they go out on a date. It's important to most of us to put our best foot forward so that the person we like will like us back. If broaching the subject of blow jobs right away is his very best, most gentlemanly way to treat you on an early date, things are not going to get better with time. Just a couple of these guys can end up souring our whole dating experience.

We all expect men to feel out the possibility of sex at least a little bit. It's human nature, and let's face it, sexual attraction is a big part of dating. But thereís an ocean of difference between a guy feeling things out without the expectation of immediate fulfillment, and one using a respectable facade to fly under your radar and go straight for what he wants. If heís enough of a gentleman to say heís happy to hold off on sex until youíre comfortable and the two of you know each other better, he should be enough of one to never suggest, even through masked† questions, that you service him in the interim. The blue balls excuse was already old in high school.

Therefore, in 2010, getting head from me will require a waiting period to make sure that only the genuinely deserving are treated to it. Iím going to do a better job of respecting myself and my body, and Iím going to find men who are not only a great match for me, but who also make my pleasure their priority every bit as much as their own. That's my dating resolution. And I wish all you sexy, single, beautiful fat girls out there a 2010 graced with handsome men who not only adore you, but who are worth of having every bit of their affection returned. Above and below the belt.

-Peony