Sex and the Single Fat Girl: Smart Ideas for a Lovely, Low-Pressure Valentine's Day
Posted by Guest in Sex + Relationships
Mirror Love, by Peony

Valentine's Day is a big deal for a lot of people. Some of you out there started panicking on Monday because there were only two short weeks until the big day. And you're in a new relationship! And what do you do without making it a big Valentiney deal!?

I'm here to tell you one thing: bold acts of romance inspired by the pressure of the day will not be your friend. This goes double if there isn't a precedent for the great big thing you've thought up.

There are a few classic pitfalls we often fall into in the excitement of new relationships, regardless of whether or not it's Valentine's Day – a high-pressure holiday just makes them that much more tempting. Don't freak out! Get smart and enjoy the day with your new lover in a comfortable, low-pressure environment that will let you relax and be your charming, beautiful self.

Pitfall #1 -- The Fancy Dinner

You don't need reservations for a $200-a-plate candlelit feast. Instead, you're gonna take the day off work, get out your cookbooks, and put all your new love-energy into whipping up a five-course meal that no restaurant could top. Who needs French chefs when you've got l'amour, right? No, wrong. Very, very wrong.

This situation begs for dishes to fail, for you to be exhausted and frazzled, and for the evening to be a whole lot of pressure and very little fun. A better idea? Make something you know you can ace with your eyes closed, like grandma's famous lasagna, and invite him over for a taste of get-to-know-you. Tell him he can bring the wine. The food is satisfying, you're relaxed, the kitchen isn't a wreck, and you get to be the cool girlfriend who didn't make some weird Valentine's dinner with heart-shaped toast points smeared with foie gras.

Pitfall #2 -- The Fascinating Conversationalist

What will you talk about? It's way too early to sit there together and play the "No, I love YOU more" game. And it's a really bad night to pick to have one of those where-is-this-going or "next level" conversations. Maybe you're planning on spending the next week researching the things he likes so that you can be a super interesting person to talk to. Oh, the fun you'll have throwing around hockey stats or your matching opinions on political referendums!

Don't. If you're not actually into it, it's going to be obvious, and worse, you'll only know enough for a conversation or two and then what? If his interest in you grows based on what he thinks you share as interests, you're setting yourself up for failure later (or exhausting, after months of trying to pretend).

You'd be better off spending that research time learning just enough about him to ask him some really interesting questions. We all like to talk about the things we enjoy, and I've yet to meet a man who wasn't interested in teaching me about his passions when he can tell I'm seriously interested. Not only will you get to learn about the way his mind works and what he likes, but you may stumble on something you two really do share and can enjoy together.

Pitfall #3 -- The Sex Appeal

I like lingerie, and I love to buy it and wear it just for me. If someone else gets to enjoy it, too? That's just a bonus. While sexy, lacey things on romantic evenings is always a tempting option, the pressure of big dates or the first time you plan to sleep together can make it hard to resist. But do resist. It's  unnecessary, and creates false pressure for what the evening should be about, even if sex will be a part of it.

The same goes for exciting new adventures in bikini waxing and studying up on sexual positions that make you glad you made that New Year's resolution about going back to yoga. If you haven't slept together, prancing out in a hot pink satin negligee with a copy of Kama Sutra is quite the opening salvo. How will you top that? It's all downhill from there.

Go with your gut here, but if you're not sure what to do or are only doing something because it's Valentine's Day, forget spending energy on something just to impress your new guy (or girl). Instead, just do something for yourself. A new pair of cotton panties with a punchy print and matching bra, for example, will make you happy and comfy (and relaxed, and sassy, both of which your new lover is likely to notice and appreciate). The better you feel, the more fun everyone will have, and that's what your day, and night, should ultimately be about.

Best wishes for a happy, stress-free Valentine’s Day, no matter how you spend it!

- Peony