For all the Single Ladies: The Fat Girl's Guide to Shameless Sex, Part Two
Posted by Tee in Fun Stuff,Loving Our Bodies,Sex + Relationships
The gorgeous Dyanna on Flickr

Last week we poked around in the married sex lives of FGG's editors to offer advice on keeping the fire lit down below after you've been married for awhile, post-childbearing belly and all. And while lots of advice on married and single sex can certainly be interchangeable, both have unique challenges - we knew a separate feature on sex and the single fat girl was in order.

Unlike married women (who ostensibly already have them), single women have the added challenge of finding men who are attracted to curvier, more ample bodies - or who are at least curious and open to trying something new. You'd be surprised how many of those guys are out there. Unfortunately, they don't come with signage. Or instructions.

That's okay, we've got you covered. So to speak.

Give your brain a makeover

Whether you're single by choice or looking high and low for The One, whether you're free and casual about sex or more reserved, it all starts with you. Sexiness is born in the brain and propagates throughout the body until you're practically vibrating with it. It doesn't come from anywhere else - not your perfume, your clothes, your friends or the guy you're talking to. The sexiest clothes can look awkward on a woman who is ashamed of herself or trying too hard, and a woman who loves her body and respects herself can turn heads in an old t-shirt and jeans.

Even if you have to fake it until you truly believe it (even thin women often do), self-confidence is a turn-on no matter what size you are. If you're in the habit of negative self-talk, you're not only unlikely to score a guy worth having, you're probably not going to enjoy it very much even if you do.

Don't focus on the fat

Whatever you're focused on, a guy just getting to know you in the bar or in the bedroom will be focused on the same thing. If you're constantly adjusting your clothes or lingerie to hide this bulge or that dimple, he'll be distracted and you'll seem distant and uncomfortable. Go with choices that accentuate your assets, but that you're familiar with so you know what they cover when you're sitting/standing/walking, so you can forget about babysitting your wardrobe and focus on more important things. If you're worried about him seeing your belly in bed (or just want to tease a little with a peek of your rear-end - guys love this) a t-shirt or baby doll with nothing underneath is a great option, and a sexy balance between modest and daring.

Whatever you do, don't bring the fat into the conversation. Even guys who like larger women are turned off by those who keep apologizing for their weight or disparaging themselves.

If that doesn't convince you, remember this: it's hard to relax when you're obsessing. It's hard to orgasm when you're not relaxed. Enough said.

Let the real you out to play

When you're uncomfortable with yourself, temptation is high to pretend you're anyone else but you. Maybe it's as subtle as a different laugh or tone, or as obvious as listening in horror as things come out of your mouth that you would never say. Even nervous or exaggerated body language can betray who we really are.

Slipping into a modified identity might feel less vulnerable in the short term, but that's a tough act to keep up. Sex is so much more satisfying when you can let go and know it's 100% you that's turning him on. Besides, how will he ever know you share his geeky fascination with backyard weather stations or his love of albino bulldogs if you're busy channeling Anna Nicole?

Prime your body

Did you know that Kegel exercises not only strengthen and tone your vaginal muscles, but also help to condition your abdominal muscles as well? Talk about a two-fer!

If you've been diligent about Kegels, you already know the sexual benefits they bestow. You feel more sensitive, he feels more snug and stimulated, and chances are the intensity of your orgasms will be kicked up a few notches. Any guy will tell you that they can't get enough of a woman that's clearly getting a lot out of their sexual experience together.

Also: stretch. Especially if you've got a particularly large belly or thighs, you may have to make some modifications to favorite positions. Being limber can mean the difference between fun, playful, satisfying sex and feeling awkward or defeated.

Make use of props

In darkness or very dim light, curb shy feelings by surrounding yourself and your lover with lots of luxurious pillows. It helps a soft, curvy (or let's face it, often lumpy) body blend in instead of feeling like it sticks out like a sore thumb. Though remember: he still probably doesn't think so.

If you're braving the bright light but feel a little too exposed, tangle yourself up in a decadent sheet, leaving the good bits exposed for playing.

Get creative with positions

The positions that will be most satisfying for you and your partner will vary depending on each of your body shapes and preferences, but with a few modifications, large women can make any position hot. Below are the ones we hear the collective, fat-girl rrowr from most often.

Doggie-style: Women say this helps them feel less vulnerable, men say it lets them get in deep. Win/win.

You on top: Make this easier by having him sit in an armless chair, or, better yet, laying on a weight bench. Afraid of your belly bouncing around? Wear a tight t-shirt, or straddle him in a short skirt with nothing underneath. That's both a tease and a girdle. Another win/win.

If you go missionary: Put a pillow under your butt. It helps him have easy access, and it funnels belly fat away from your pelvic area where all the action is happening, making you feel less self-conscious.

Stand up and bend over something: The bed, the back of the couch, the counter. You can press your belly against the surface and make it disappear, and the rest of you is less prone to the spreading effects of gravity that can happen in bed.

Need more? Check out what some FGG Twitter followers had to say on the subject:

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Don't be afraid to try something new. Sex is frequently funny and bodies are weird, so it's not a big deal if the position doesn't work. It's about feeling good, which doesn't always mean that you look your very best. So what? I don't like the way I look when I'm on top, but it feels AMAZING and guys are fond of the fact that your boobs are in their face, their hands are free, and they get to watch your face. You won't break him. I swear. Even if he's shorter than you or half your weight (I've done both).

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As counter-productive as it might sound, I have a huge appreciation for the female form and I found that when I point out women I think are sexy while we're out or even in pictures on chat or email, it's a huge turn-on for him (and if he's a new date, he's caught completely off guard). And that turn-on instantly translates into his pursuit of me, and lots of exciting sex.

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If you have any inclination toward the alternative lifestyles and are shy about checking it out because you don't look like a porn star, you're doing yourself a disservice. These are some of the most accepting, positive groups of people you can find. Their ideas and choices fall outside of the mainstream, and their definitions of what makes a person desirable encompass more than how you look in a bikini. Seeing women of all ages and sizes in various stages of undress being happy in their bodies while in public was a very liberating thing.

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If I'm afraid I'll be too nervous or shy to orgasm during sex, I like to get myself off while he lays next to me. By the time I'm done, he can barely stand to wait a second more and we have some intense, wild episodes (albeit short sometimes), and I don't have to worry about whether I'll get there if I'm too focused on my body and what he thinks.

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The biggest enemy is your anxiety. Potential lovers are far less judgmental than we think. I have yet to meet one who wasn't into confident, clever, sensual women who are enthusiastic and responsive when it's naked time.

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What did we miss? Share your thoughts about shameless sex for the single fat girl in comments!